Emotional neglect - the overlooked reason for why we feel a sense of emptiness

Happy new year to all the beings that have come across my journey and everyone I have been able to work with, in one way or another. Know that you are loved, cherished and worthy of the life that you desire. Know that since you have manifested on this earthly plane at this point of time, then there might be a damn good reason for it! Thank you for teaching me through your own struggles, willingness to be witnessed in your expression and courage to step onto this peculiar and ever so unfolding journey of self-discovery.

I am not big fan of new year’s resolutions per se, but I do enjoy working with intentions, rather than expectations these days. One of my intentions for this year is to be more active on the social platforms, such as my own blog and certain social medias, due to the fact that we are entering a new epoch of human civilization and experience. This shift calls for truth, freedom, authenticity and integrity. Which might be hard to come by, in a time of polarization, cancel culture, agree to disagree attitude, etc. Therefore I have a deep desire simply to share my truth more for the sake of growth, expansion and openness. Knowing that my truth will not be everyone else’s truth and that’s okay. As long as there is a space for expression and a sense of curiosity to accommodate other people’s perspectives, we are well along the way to understanding, accepting and loving each other. Which I believe will be a major factor in creating the new earth we are all longing for.

I would like to share my experience with topics relating to healing, trauma work, completion process, parts work, addictions, embodiment, plant-medicine, abuse recovery, connection, energy healing, plant-based nutrition, stepping into your own unique purpose, burnout, conscious dancing, and much more. A lot of what I share would be around topics that come up for me in my own personal or professional life or that my clients bring up during our work together (where of course confidentiality is strictly kept). My hope is that it reaches whoever needs to be reached with my words, but also to heal the part of me that has been denied of expression through many years of self-doubt and insecurity. My intention is to follow my inspiration as it arises and let these words flow out of me, rather than plan diligently and let my inner perfectionist run the show.

Today I feel inspired to talk a bit around the topic of emotional neglect. Let me tell you – it is a super tricky thing to detect. If you went through any kind of emotional abuse in your life, especially in childhood, then you most likely know the reason for the symptoms you are experiencing in your adulthood. If you suffered violence in your childhood, it doesn’t take much to realize that this might very well be the reason that you attract abusive partners nowadays, etc. If you experienced sexual abuse in the past, it might not come as a surprise that you might happen to be extremely disconnected from a healthy expression of sexuality.

However, if you are like most people – you might have had a relatively “normal” childhood, or at least what is considered to be “normal” by our society nowadays. Maybe your parents gave you a good foundation for safety, a roof over your head, a delicious meal on the table, a chance to get educated and other things vital for your survival, but also fun things like toys, clothes,vacations to nice places, etc. But you might still grow up to be an adult plagued by depression, anxiety, fear of intimacy or generally find yourself to live a meaningless life. Here is what I hear from most people who find themselves in a similar situation: “But I had a pretty good childhood. Of course my parents had their issues and quirks, but generally we were pretty happy. They never hit me or my sibling, we went to a good school and had most things that we wanted. I don’t understand what’s wrong with me, I feel like I have no good reason to feel the way I do.”

And here is what I like to share regarding this – the very thing that prevents this initial layer of your healing process is the fact that you are not allowing yourself to validate the way you feel. There is often a part inside of us that deeply loves our parents (or caregivers) and wants to protect them at all cost. This is natural, as we were once completely and utterly dependent on them for our own survival. However, be aware that nothing extreme has had to happen in order for you to feel challenged as a child. What is challenging to a child is very different to what is considered challenging to an adult. Losing your teddy bear can seem like the loss of a good trusted friend when you are 4 years old. This is literally a traumatic experience for you. And if there is noone to help you process that loss in that moment, you are not actually finding resolution to that traumatic experience. You end up living with it, until something in your adulthood presents itself to trigger that very same feeling that still exists within your system. Mind that this is not being done to punish you by the cruel universe we find ourselves in, but can rather be seen as an opportunity for feeling it and therefore healing it. Of course if you are not equipped enough to feel it, you most likely won’t heal it. But you get my point.

In any case, what most people don’t realize is that all of us have experienced emotional neglect at some point of our childhoods. Perhaps it wasn’t done because our parents intentionally wanted to hurt us. Perhaps it happened because they were busy working, making sure that you have food on the table. Or because our society has transitioned from a tribe-based mentality to a single-household based mentality and regardless of how good your parents were, they didn’t haven enough hands to juggle all the balls that modern life requires them to. So, this is me saying that even the best parents in the world struggle to some degree to meet all of the needs of their child, simply because it is impossible to be perfect, considering our demanding lifestyles and generally sick society. All it takes is one moment of distraction, where mom couldn’t be with you, because she was running around being busy and boom – you get the idea that if mom doesn’t see you, then you probably don’t matter. That’s how core beliefs are formed. And it takes a bit of inner awareness to shift these.

The message I want to leave you with today is that trauma is on a spectrum. Emotional abuse and emotional neglect might be on both separate ends of that spectrum, but one doesn’t make the other less relevant or impactful.

My question to you is – have you ever felt like there was no good reason for you to feel the way that you do? And if so – how do you deal with your emotional reality in these cases? Feel free to comment down below in the comment section.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. Feel free to subscribe to my newsletter if you wish to be notified of any new content I intend to create. Follow me on this journey of discovery!

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